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I consider these things to be bad design IF two specific things are true.
1. The process of reorganizing, starting a recovery, etc, doesn't depend on the losing player's status but that of the winners or neutrals
2. The attacking winner gains a mobile form of strength or resources that can be used to generate a mobile form of strength quickly.
Basically, the winner was trying to get a result, they got it. If the losers now 'are at their mercy' on top of losing whatever it was, and are easily scattered... If anything can hit the human psychological feeling of 'this is pointless' or 'people will mock us or tell us to just accept it/get over it', I think it's bad because this is actually what makes most people give up, apparently. Sure you can be upset about a loss for a while, and a few people never let it go, but even those people will help with the rebuilding, etc, if they don't feel like the community is going to laugh at them for trying to.
There's no reason to 'require' that level of psychological fortitude from basically every player of your game (since everyone is subject to this).
Similarly, #2 technically leads into #1 in a pretty real way. If the loser has to cede control and territory, and that territory can be used to push them down further instead of TAKING more effort to maintain, then it's bad. Right now it sounds like big forces will be able to crush smaller Vassal nodes and then just leave them like that. If the crushed 'come back to rebuild' without gathering allies, it will just happen again.
If potential allies look at your situation and go 'just get over it, fighting back is pointless/stupid' even in the case where the attackers just left the Node as wilderness, I'd consider it bad design.